Paternal dynamics in Egypt are currently undergoing intense scrutiny.
While the traditional archetype of the father as the primary provider and protector remains dominant, the internal conflict between discipline and emotional connection grows more apparent. This evolution has sparked a national dialogue, leading many to move past conventional expectations to ask a more pressing question: what constitutes an effective and ‘correct’ upbringing in the modern era?
The question that has been echoing through homes, therapy clinics and even social media arguments.
The rise of a more gentle and more emotionally connected approach of parenting has spread in a culture where fathers are most of the time expected to be macho men – firm, unshakable and unquestioned role models.
This has brought curiosity among people alongside controversy.
Change is a scary move, which is why even with the spread and flood of gentle parenting videos on Instagram and TikTok, many parents still hold tight to the familiar and traditional approaches, where the father represents a strict pillar that holds the household together.
This leads to an inquiry into whether traditional structures prioritize discipline at the expense of a child’s well-being. Achieving equilibrium in modern parenting requires a clear distinction between two often-pedagogical approaches: ‘authoritarian’ and ‘authoritative’ parenting.
Though they sound similar, the psychological outcomes they produce are fundamentally distinct. Psychotherapist Menna Abdelwahab offered a description underscoring the emotional gravity of this issue.
“Authoritarian fathers lead with fear most of the time,” she noted, explaining that such parents “focus on making their child abide by rules rather than understanding why such a rule was imposed on them, which makes the child follow without thinking.”
While Authoritative fathers have rules, they first try to connect and then guide. She explained, “One approach creates laws between the child and the father, while the other approach creates confidence and trust”.
Abdelwahab simplified the divide by the core commands of each style. In this framework, the authoritarian approach is defined by the rigid mandate, “Do as I say,” whereas the authoritative parent adopts a more transparent stance: “I’ll tell you why not.”
The choice between these two approaches becomes harder and more significant as societal pressures, generational trauma, and traditional masculinity all clash together.
To provide a deeper look into how these parenting philosophies manifest in modern Egypt, we spoke with five young adults from diverse backgrounds. Their lived experiences illustrate the profound impact a father’s influence has on a child’s trajectory.
Collectively, their narratives suggest a gradual, but significant cultural shift, as Egyptian households slowly transition from traditional authoritarianism toward a more authoritative model.
“My Father was more like a boss, but a kind one.”
Asked to describe his father’s core purpose in life, Hazem’s initial reaction was a chuckle—one that quickly transitioned into a more reflective response.
“Honestly? He was more of a boss but a really kind one, it is hard to explain”.
He paused, momentarily lost in thought, before continuing with a more measured tone, “He always wanted things to be done in a certain way around the house which made him seem strict, but he wasn’t, he was just firm about these specific things”.
Hazem noted that his father’s rigidity was reserved exclusively for moments of misconduct—a standard he views as balanced.
In his own words, the discipline was simply “fair enough.”
Hazem then explained, “My father never yelled, but you know. He has this tone, a tone that shows his disappointment and that is way worse than shouting”.
However, Hazem explained how comfortable dealing with his father in general saying that, “Most of the time it’s easy to talk to him…but I know he truly listens to me even when he thinks I am wrong.”
He wrapped up explaining that his experience lies between both the authoritative and the authoritarian approaches; a father navigating the delicate friction between the desire for emotional intimacy and the instinct for absolute control.
“My father does not really explain the rules – they are just the rules.”
For 21-year-old Laila, her father’s identity is synonymous with security. She described him unhesitatingly as a protector, the “big shield of the house” who stands between his family and the world’s pressures. Despite the inherent warmth of that protective “shield,” Laila acknowledged an underlying rigidity.
“He is strict in a way you can never argue with,” she explained. “Like if he puts a rule, that’s it, end of discussion.”
Laila’s words showed that even when she does something wrong according to her father’s perception, the feedback she receives is quite similar, “He starts talking in short sentences, looks deep into my soul, and then stays silent for the rest of the day, and that’s is the most scary part, because you do not know what would come next.”
She explained that the feeling she gets is that she disappointed him as a person, and not just that she broke a certain rule.
When questioned regarding her ability to maintain an open and transparent dialogue with her father on any subject, she identified that this is the hardest part of her upbringing – the profound distance between them.
“I can’t talk to him about everything. I love him, but I have to hide many things, not because they’re wrong. But because I just avoid the conflict,” she said.
She punctuated her explanation with a sobering sentiment that invites deeper scrutiny into the psychological toll of strict parenting. “It’s easier to keep things to myself”—serves as a stark reminder of the emotional barriers constructed by fear-based authority.
This dynamic aligns with an authoritarian parenting model, characterized by high levels of control and a limited emotional bond. Despite this friction, Laila—reflecting a sentiment common among many Egyptian daughters—defends his intentions: “He’s a good father, he really is, he just thinks being strict is the perfect way.”
Cultural backdrop
Psychotherapist Mahmoud Abdelghaffar offered a different perspective on the debate, illustrating why the transition between these parenting styles is so complex
“Unfortunately, a lot of Egyptian fathers were brought up with authoritarian parents themselves, so changing that (approach) with their own children could be hard. They truly believe strictness that could even extend to an abusive level is a way of teaching discipline, and sometimes it could, but only in the short-term.”
He added explaining that, “Children will definitely follow the rules. However, in the long-term, they will never trust themselves, and will always rely on instructions.”
Abdelghaffar pointed to a recurring phenomenon he has observed among Egyptian children and teenagers, noting its prevalence in his clinical practice: “The difference when it comes to having an authoritative parent, is that the child feels seen, and most young Egyptians today crave that the most from their parents.”
“I just don’t need a lecture”
Twenty-five-year-old Ahmed Khalil stood in a more ambiguous middle ground. “My father is definitely both,” he explains, running his fingers through his hair as he searches for the right words. “Sometimes he’s a nice guy—being a friend to me, talking to me, helping me—but then if I do one tiny mistake, he switches… like full-on strict mode.”
In many Egyptian households, a disconnect persists between a father’s attempt at modernization and a child’s desire to circumvent rigid lectures. This dynamic is captured in Ahmed’s candid admission.
When asked if he has ever lied or hidden something from his father, Khalil laughs: “Umm of course, who hasn’t.”
Following a brief silence, he adds, “But not because I am scared of him. I just do not need a lecture about what is good for me.”
“His strictness just confuses to me”
As a 24 year old, Nadine analyzes her father’s approach through the lens of adulthood, describing her father as a “guide” – nevertheless, she still needs more distance sometimes due to her personality.
She explained that when he gets strict, “It just feels confusing.”
“I know he loves me, and most of the time he’s supportive, but sometimes, he comes up with a rule that came out of nowhere and just doesn’t make sense to me.”
Nadine’s experience illustrates the friction inherent in the transition to authoritative parenting.
While many fathers strive for deeper emotional resonance, they often find themselves regressing into authoritarian habits—a byproduct of the very traditional structures they are attempting to dismantle.
She explained that disagreeing with her father is hard sometimes. “He hears me, but his mind is already made up,” she said.
Despite acknowledging the recurring friction in their relationship, Nadine spoke of her father with notable tenderness.
He tries,” she said, “and that is what matters to me.”
“My father is my teacher”
As the youngest interviewee, 18-year-old Jud Ahmed offers a perspective informed by a generation increasingly fluent in the language of mental health. Her outlook reflects the influence of digital platforms and progressive school curricula that prioritize emotional vocabulary.
“My father is my number 1 teacher,” she said thoughtfully, explaining that, “he always make sure to explain lessons behind every rule. Even when I do something wrong, he will talk to me gently, not shout.”
Jud explained that her father tries to make her understand herself, rather than just focusing on the mistake. She said that her father’s strictness does not scare her, “Honestly it feels fair, as though he’s trying to help me, not punish me.”
Although, she admitted that not everything is easy for her to talk about with her father due to his sensitivity, which is something she describes as “amazing.”
Why do fathers become authoritarian?
According to Abdelghaffar, many fathers believe that being too soft will ruin their child,, based on a fundamental misconception that strictness equals strength.
Yet, from a psychological standpoint, the definition of strength is being redefined as the very vulnerability these fathers often avoid.
He explains that this idea stem from generations who led a hard life.
Today, discipline needs to intertwined with social and emotional intelligence. He drew a sharp line between punishment and consequence, explaining that “Punishment is more emotional,” often born from a parent’s immediate frustration; however, a consequence is a tool for guidance, designed for the child to absorb the lesson rather than the blow.
Abdelwahab echoed the same sentiment, saying, “Authoritative parenting is a skill people learn, which is why a father who was raised in an authoritarian household can definitely change by learning.”
When asked if authoritarian fathers are capable of change, Abdelghaffar’s answer was definitive. “Absolutely,” he noted, “but it requires intention.”
He explained that a father who was raised in an environment of fear may find the transition to a love-based approach both foreign and challenging.
He clarified that changing the approaches of raising a child is taught and learned. Learning to apologize, learning to explain, learning to understand is all part of the process.
Friend or guide? Navigating the dual roles of fatherhood
When the five interviewees were asked to choose between a father who serves as a friend or one who serves as a guide, each paused significantly before responding. This hesitation suggests that, for these young adults, the two roles are not mutually exclusive but are equally essential needs.
Hazem paused longer than the others before finally offering his perspective: “friends come and go, that is not what I need, I need a type of guidance in my life.”
Nadine also explained that a guide would be her first choice, but added, “A friend would also be nice”. She concluded with a striking explanation, “I do not want a father who tries so hard to act my age and connect to my lifestyle; the beauty is in the difference between us.”
Ahmed, however, offered a more nuanced middle ground: “A friend makes you feel safer, a guide makes you feel supported. I want something in the middle.” Jud followed in a quieter tone, opting for a softer dynamic. “I think a friend,” she said, explaining that “a friend is someone I can cry to without feeling guilty, someone who will pat me on the back then guide me; the best fathers are the ones that can do both.”
From a psychological perspective, Abdelghaffar views paternal pride as a bridge to deeper emotional growth. He suggests that these glimpses of pride prove the capacity for a shift in dynamics: “A father who can feel pride can learn to express empathy. The love is there; it is the communication that needs training.”
Gentle parenting vs rigid control
The rise of “gentle parenting”—a concept that has recently saturated Egyptian social media—has sparked intense debate. While many embrace this modern approach, others dismiss it as a ‘soft’ method that risks raising entitled or fragile children.
Based on her psychological experience, Abdelwahab pointed out that gentle parenting is “always perceived the wrong way. Gentleness does not mean that the child now controls the household, it only means that the father controls himself.”
She went on explaining that authoritative fathers respond rather than react, creating some sort of cooperation, not fear. “Children raised in such a way, behave better because they truly feel respected just as they respect their parents, they are not scared.” She said.
Single fathers and their double burden
Discussing fathers who must play the role of both parents was the most poignant part of the interviews. Psychologists noted how frequently they encounter these cases.
“They carry immense pressure—not just from loneliness, but from society, family, and their own children,” Abdelghaffar said. “They walk a very thin line.”
He said that it is easy to default to a position of control due to the the need to have everything under control all the time.
However, the psychologist emphasized that he has also seen the warmth each one of these single fathers carry in their hearts; they are capable of changing even faster as many starts realizing their children is their only source of happiness.
They probably need love and gentleness more than the child, he stressed.
What makes children feel loved
Each interviewee was asked a final, simple question: what does their father say or do to comfort them during difficult times?
Their answers highlighted the small but significant moments of connection that define their bonds. It also reflects that children do not seek paternal perfection or constant gentleness, but rather the enduring power of a father’s presence and love.
For Hazem, comfort comes in a simple reassurance. He shared that his father always says, “Don’t worry I am here,” a phrase he describes as something that “fixes everything.”
Laila offered an emotional reflection, noting, “He tells me, ‘You are much stronger than this.’” She explained that a lot of times she does not believe it, but she still feels supported knowing that her father stands by her.
Ahmed explained that his father uses quality time to cheer him up, “He tells me, ‘come sit with me, we will watch a movie.’”
Nadine finds her strength in her father’s simple affirmation: “I trust you.” For her, that trust is the ultimate form of support. Similarly, Jud’s father offers a sense of unconditional security, telling her, “I am proud of you no matter what”—a sentiment that serves as the perfect final word on paternal love.
A final message to fathers
As a closing thought, the psychologists were asked to offer one defining piece of guidance for fathers—whether they are navigating current challenges or looking to refine their parenting approach.
The experts offered two fundamental pillars for the modern father. Abdelwahab stressed the importance of discipline without aggression: “Be strict with values rather than the tone.”
Abdelghaffar mirrored this advice: “Your child is not meant to be scared of you; they are meant to build trust in you.”
